Corny as it sounds, I really do believe everything happens for a reason. I've claimed to believe it for quite some time, but the birth of our son really hit it home for me.
Lucas James was born February 4th at 5:35 PM, weighing a healthy 7lbs 8 ounces and measuring 19.5" long. The fact that he's here at all, as safe and healthy as he is, I think is quite a miracle in and of itself. We spent so much of this pregnancy in fear for his safety and here he is, sleeping soundly just two feet from me. The sense of joy and relief has been overwhelming...
The pregnancy itself was a long tough road, from he relentless morning sickness (morning my ass... more like 24/7 of complete misery for 5 months), to the scare we had from the genetic testing and complications from the CVS test, followed of course by the pre-term labor and months of bed rest. So why would I have expected the birth itself to be any less complicated? Silly me!
I SWORE I would not be induced this time. That was mistake #1, thinking any part of this would be under my control. It was supposed to be a routine check up, but my blood pressure was apparently bad enough for my doctor to admit me for pre-eclampsia and induce that night. It was Tuesday, February 2nd, yes, 2 days before he was actually born!
We had spent months trying to keep him in and now here we were trying to kick him out... Unfortunately for me, he had apparently changed his mind and decided he'd like to stay right where he was.
Right from the start, there were problems. Just trying to put the IV in was an ordeal. Apparently the blood pressure issues were wreaking havoc with my veins and they kept "blowing out" when the nurse tried to set up the IV. After FOUR, yes FOUR attempts on my left arm, they gave up and tried the right, which was apparently more successful... but ouch. Then, because I wanted to donate the cord blood, they had to stick me AGAIN to draw an insane amount of blood for testing. Good times. I was sore and cranky, but trying to stay positive that Lucas would be here soon...
However, Wednesday morning rolled around and I was still just 1 cm dilated... that afternoon, still no change. WTH?... By early evening they decided to turn off the Pitocin and let me eat, which let me tell you, I was incredibly happy about because I was STARVING. Ice chips for 24 hours just wasn't cutting it... go figure. The plan was to start the process over again in a few hours after giving my body a break... I was just ready for the whole long ordeal to be over and to finally hold my baby boy.
After another long and restless night, I was finally making progress... by 9am Thursday morning I was 4 cm dilated, woohoo!... Time to break my water... FINALLY. I was both elated because I knew it meant we were getting closer, but also terrified because I knew the excruciating pain wasn't far behind. Better prep that epidural!... Wait, what?... Why is the nurse now telling me I may not get one? WTF? That's right. Apparently they had to check my blood (AGAIN) to make sure I could have one because I was admitted for pre-eclampsia. Apparently that meant it could be risky to give me one? I don't really know since no one really explained it to me.
OK, so at this point they've been pumping obscene amounts of Pitocin in me, broken my water, taken like 1/2 my blood and oh yeah, the contractions are beyond painful... I WANT MY EPIDURAL. I started ringing for the nurse to say, WTH, can I have one??? Finally she comes in with the good news, yes, the anesthesiologist is on his way. Yippee!!
Slowly the relief began to set in... Much more slowly it seemed than when I had it the first time. Relief with Zoe seemed pretty damn immediate, but whatever, I told myself it had been a couple of years and that's probably just my memory messing with me. It would kick in... ha!... Boy, it kicked in alright. Next thing I know, my UPPER body started feeling numb. I asked the anesthesiologist and he said not to worry, but to let him know if I started to feel any tingling or numbness in my hands or arms. Sure enough, 10 minutes later my hands were tingling. I mentioned it to the nurse who looked at me like I was nuts, but said she'd mention it to him. By the time he came back, I could barely lift my arms and I was having a hard time breathing... possibly cause my freaking chest was numb! I wanted relief but this was ridiculous. The nurse put me on oxygen to make it easier for me to, you know, BREATHE...
I was really freaking out at this point. The last thing I wanted was a full body epidural. I couldn't move, I couldn't push, I could glare at the anesthesiologist and believe me I did. Then came the solution... They had to turn it off. After all that, they had to turn the epidural off and hope it would start reversing out so that I could start pushing, because of course NOW I was fully dilated. Great timing kiddo.
The good news was, shortly after they stopped the drip, the effects DID start to wear off. It got easier to breathe and I was able to start pushing... Hurray!
The bad news, they wouldn't be able to reposition it, which meant the epidural drip would have to stay off. The anesthesiologist said maybe I'd get lucky and he'd be born before it completely wore off... What do you think? Does any part of this pregnancy or birth sound like I was going to get lucky? Of course not!... The epidural had completely worn off and STILL no baby. Unless you count me screaming and crying like a baby about the amount of pain I was in. Does that count?
Their solution to the pain management? I could have a small amount of a pain reliever injected into the epidural block... It was a different medicine that would apparently "dull" the pain or as they put it "take the edge off" but wouldn't get to the baby using that method. I was just happy for ANY relief at that point. It did help, but not much and it wore off REALLY fast. I knew the only way the pain would end would be to get that baby out and damn it, I was gonna push with everything I had to make it stop!!...
I do have to say that without the epidural, I could feel when I was pushing "the right way" and what they say IS true, my pushing WAS more effective without 1/2 my body being numb (we won't even go there with the whole body being numb part)... The whole labor process may have been much longer than it was with Zoe, but once I was able to push effectively, that part was actually MUCH faster...
So, back to the pushing... I pushed and pushed with all my might. I knew we were getting close by the fury of activity and the look of complete joy and amazement on Robb's face. He was almost here. One more push and suddenly the pain was gone, I was so happy!... But where was the cry? He wasn't crying!... I looked at Robb and he looked completely freaked out. Then my brain finally processed what the doctor had said, the cord had been wrapped around his neck... They took him away and it seemed like forever before we FINALLY heard his cry. Robb, thank goodness, stayed with him while they got him breathing and then came right back to me to reassure me that everything was OK... My baby was here and he was OK.
I realized at that point that everything really does happen for a reason. As pissed off as I was about the epidural, if I hadn't had that complication, they never would have turned it off and it would have taken me a lot longer to push him out. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if we didn't get him out when we did...
He really is our little miracle.
Lucas James was born February 4th at 5:35 PM, weighing a healthy 7lbs 8 ounces and measuring 19.5" long. The fact that he's here at all, as safe and healthy as he is, I think is quite a miracle in and of itself. We spent so much of this pregnancy in fear for his safety and here he is, sleeping soundly just two feet from me. The sense of joy and relief has been overwhelming...
The pregnancy itself was a long tough road, from he relentless morning sickness (morning my ass... more like 24/7 of complete misery for 5 months), to the scare we had from the genetic testing and complications from the CVS test, followed of course by the pre-term labor and months of bed rest. So why would I have expected the birth itself to be any less complicated? Silly me!
I SWORE I would not be induced this time. That was mistake #1, thinking any part of this would be under my control. It was supposed to be a routine check up, but my blood pressure was apparently bad enough for my doctor to admit me for pre-eclampsia and induce that night. It was Tuesday, February 2nd, yes, 2 days before he was actually born!
We had spent months trying to keep him in and now here we were trying to kick him out... Unfortunately for me, he had apparently changed his mind and decided he'd like to stay right where he was.
Right from the start, there were problems. Just trying to put the IV in was an ordeal. Apparently the blood pressure issues were wreaking havoc with my veins and they kept "blowing out" when the nurse tried to set up the IV. After FOUR, yes FOUR attempts on my left arm, they gave up and tried the right, which was apparently more successful... but ouch. Then, because I wanted to donate the cord blood, they had to stick me AGAIN to draw an insane amount of blood for testing. Good times. I was sore and cranky, but trying to stay positive that Lucas would be here soon...
However, Wednesday morning rolled around and I was still just 1 cm dilated... that afternoon, still no change. WTH?... By early evening they decided to turn off the Pitocin and let me eat, which let me tell you, I was incredibly happy about because I was STARVING. Ice chips for 24 hours just wasn't cutting it... go figure. The plan was to start the process over again in a few hours after giving my body a break... I was just ready for the whole long ordeal to be over and to finally hold my baby boy.
After another long and restless night, I was finally making progress... by 9am Thursday morning I was 4 cm dilated, woohoo!... Time to break my water... FINALLY. I was both elated because I knew it meant we were getting closer, but also terrified because I knew the excruciating pain wasn't far behind. Better prep that epidural!... Wait, what?... Why is the nurse now telling me I may not get one? WTF? That's right. Apparently they had to check my blood (AGAIN) to make sure I could have one because I was admitted for pre-eclampsia. Apparently that meant it could be risky to give me one? I don't really know since no one really explained it to me.
OK, so at this point they've been pumping obscene amounts of Pitocin in me, broken my water, taken like 1/2 my blood and oh yeah, the contractions are beyond painful... I WANT MY EPIDURAL. I started ringing for the nurse to say, WTH, can I have one??? Finally she comes in with the good news, yes, the anesthesiologist is on his way. Yippee!!
Slowly the relief began to set in... Much more slowly it seemed than when I had it the first time. Relief with Zoe seemed pretty damn immediate, but whatever, I told myself it had been a couple of years and that's probably just my memory messing with me. It would kick in... ha!... Boy, it kicked in alright. Next thing I know, my UPPER body started feeling numb. I asked the anesthesiologist and he said not to worry, but to let him know if I started to feel any tingling or numbness in my hands or arms. Sure enough, 10 minutes later my hands were tingling. I mentioned it to the nurse who looked at me like I was nuts, but said she'd mention it to him. By the time he came back, I could barely lift my arms and I was having a hard time breathing... possibly cause my freaking chest was numb! I wanted relief but this was ridiculous. The nurse put me on oxygen to make it easier for me to, you know, BREATHE...
I was really freaking out at this point. The last thing I wanted was a full body epidural. I couldn't move, I couldn't push, I could glare at the anesthesiologist and believe me I did. Then came the solution... They had to turn it off. After all that, they had to turn the epidural off and hope it would start reversing out so that I could start pushing, because of course NOW I was fully dilated. Great timing kiddo.
The good news was, shortly after they stopped the drip, the effects DID start to wear off. It got easier to breathe and I was able to start pushing... Hurray!
The bad news, they wouldn't be able to reposition it, which meant the epidural drip would have to stay off. The anesthesiologist said maybe I'd get lucky and he'd be born before it completely wore off... What do you think? Does any part of this pregnancy or birth sound like I was going to get lucky? Of course not!... The epidural had completely worn off and STILL no baby. Unless you count me screaming and crying like a baby about the amount of pain I was in. Does that count?
Their solution to the pain management? I could have a small amount of a pain reliever injected into the epidural block... It was a different medicine that would apparently "dull" the pain or as they put it "take the edge off" but wouldn't get to the baby using that method. I was just happy for ANY relief at that point. It did help, but not much and it wore off REALLY fast. I knew the only way the pain would end would be to get that baby out and damn it, I was gonna push with everything I had to make it stop!!...
I do have to say that without the epidural, I could feel when I was pushing "the right way" and what they say IS true, my pushing WAS more effective without 1/2 my body being numb (we won't even go there with the whole body being numb part)... The whole labor process may have been much longer than it was with Zoe, but once I was able to push effectively, that part was actually MUCH faster...
So, back to the pushing... I pushed and pushed with all my might. I knew we were getting close by the fury of activity and the look of complete joy and amazement on Robb's face. He was almost here. One more push and suddenly the pain was gone, I was so happy!... But where was the cry? He wasn't crying!... I looked at Robb and he looked completely freaked out. Then my brain finally processed what the doctor had said, the cord had been wrapped around his neck... They took him away and it seemed like forever before we FINALLY heard his cry. Robb, thank goodness, stayed with him while they got him breathing and then came right back to me to reassure me that everything was OK... My baby was here and he was OK.
I realized at that point that everything really does happen for a reason. As pissed off as I was about the epidural, if I hadn't had that complication, they never would have turned it off and it would have taken me a lot longer to push him out. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if we didn't get him out when we did...
He really is our little miracle.
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